-
I don’t get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. You joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives… They’re adults, for God’s sake
— Michael Scott, “The Office” -
I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
— Kevin, “The Office” -
You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded.
— Michael Scott, “The Office” -
The Beatles - Birthday
My fiance and I just had a dance off in my living room! Oh, how I love the little things in life. This has been a pretty great birthday.
-
One thing you need to know about me: I don’t quit until something tears or pops.
— Dwight Schrute, “The Office” -
These people need love and I am going to get it for them. Who cares if we sell a little bit of less paper today. A great boss cares more about the happiness of his employees than anything else. I am going to be Cupid. And I am going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims. And they are going to get hit and say “I’m in love! I was hit my Cupid’s sparrow! Funny little bird but he gets the job done.
— Michael Scott, “The Office” -
-
What if the moon was your car and Jupiter was your hairbrush?
— Andy, “The Office” -
Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.
— Creed, “The Office” -
Maybe believing in God was a mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun. Maybe there’s some sort of animal that we can make a sacrifice to. Like a giant buffalo. Or some sort of monster… something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion, or something with the body of an egret. With the head of a meer cat. Or just the head of a monkey with the antlers of a reindeer. With a body of…. a porcupine.
— Michael, “The Office” -
Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I’m looking forward to. It’s an Amish technique. It’s like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday… for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna
— Dwight, “The Office” -
Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.
— Michael, “The Office” -
Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t know where it’s going. I just hope to find it somewhere along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
— Michael, “The Office” -
Horse. Boat. A canoe built around your horse so you can go from riding to water travel without slowing down. Horse Boat!
— Dwight, “The Office”
